myfibrostory

Story of a Fibro Warrior…

You’re “Big” Again!…You ran a 5K!…You May Not Have Fibro? August 26, 2014

Filed under: chronic pain,fibro flare,Fibromyalgia,Obesity and Fibromyalgia — jenfibrofighter @ 8:08 pm

There are only so many emotions one person can handle in a weekend….

 

Friday Morning:  Baby A had his six month doctor apt.  SIX MONTHS! He promised me a month ago he would stop growing and stay my sweet, snuggly baby forever.  Promise. Broken.  He is now crawling…fast…after each dog, the cat, each electrical cord, every speck of dust on the floor, my feet, the chair…I thought the newborn part of having a baby was exhausting…huh…I was a fool. 

Emotions, Emotions…

Friday Afternoon:  Leave work a little early and get ready for my Rheumatologist appointment (almost two years overdue).  I ran into an old co-worker who felt the need to tell me I was “big again.” 

Emotions, Emotions, Emotions…..

Never have I ever wanted to punch an old man as badly as I did right then! It was one of those moments when you wish you had a quick, witty comeback that stings the other person, but is SO witty you just come across as sassy instead of a bitchy crazy person. 

No witty comeback here, instead I chose to first: call my husband who can always make me feel beautiful again and who also pointed out that some people only remember me as super fat and super skinny…no one seems to remember the middle…and there is/was nothing wrong with the middle.  Second:  I texted my co-worker who is always good for a quick (normally bad) joke and a few encouraging words.  She didn’t let me down and flooded my texts with jokes so bad you can’t help but laugh at them.

“Why does Peter Pan fly?…

Because he neverlands”

“Yo mama so skinny I slapped her and got a paper cut.”

“Yo mama so skinny she has to wear a belt with spandex.”

It was a reminder to feel blessed for the people I have in my life right NOW.

Emotions, Emotions…on to my Rheumatologist with a renewed smile on my face.

I went through the usual routine.  Temperature, weight (which was a risky request for that nurse after my previous encounter of the day), rate my pain level, etc.  Then I mentioned my concerns…correction…my many concerns.  I had suspected there was something “different.”  Apparently the doctor had the same suspicion.  After him asking me a million questions, he said my symptoms were no longer coinciding with my fibromyalgia diagnosis, and that I was showing signs of having an autoimmune disease.  I was told I will probably end up on long term medication.  I was told I could more kids if I wanted too, but I would be considered high risk.  I was told if it was Lupus, my organ function would need to be closely monitored.  It was a lot of information.  After my appointment I took my 9 pages of blood test orders to the hospital, confused the lab techs who asked me if my doctor wanted me to keep ANY blood in my body as they took 8 tubes, and that’s where my Friday ended. 

Emotions, Emotions…

I am waiting on blood tests to determine if I have lupus.  If that comes back clear, then he said he would treat me for psoriatic arthritis. 

To be honest, I’m not sure if I’m struggling more with a new diagnosis or the fact that fibromyalgia may not be what I’m fighting anymore.  Was I misdiagnosed from the beginning?  Did pregnancy just change things all together?  Will my symptoms suddenly fall back in line with fibromyalgia later on?  I think only time will tell on a lot of my confusion. 

I feel like I’m starting over like when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia.  I hate the waiting game of finding out exactly what I have.  I’m cautious about researching the wrong thing. I hate not knowing, especially now that I feel “nameless” again…now that fibro may not be in the picture.

I’ve educated,  I’ve spoken up, I’ve researched, I’ve been researched, and I’ve been fighting fibro since 2008…have I been fighting the wrong thing? 

I’m not sure where my challenges start from here, but I plan to take the same approach with any autoimmune disease that I did with fibo…educated myself and live my life the fullest capacity I can. 

Emotions, Emotions…future Emotions…

On to Saturday….Yep that’s right…that was just Friday…

 

TIND24_01_00730_L TIND24_03_02454_L

 

I can finally cross something off my bucket list!  I completed my first 5K!  I did the color run here in town and had a blast.  To be perfectly honest, weeks leading up to this race I was dreading it.  I was actually mad at myself for signing up.  I started to train and then lost focus.  The weather has been beautiful and then THIS Saturday called for a high of 93 degrees and muggy. 

It was going to be miserable.

I was going to be too hot.

I was going to be slow.

I was going to have to walk the whole damn thing because I didn’t get up and train.

And then late Friday night after my emotional rollercoaster I just said “screw it.”

I ran what I could (which was more than I thought I could do) and walked when I needed to.  I laughed a lot and had a great time with my husband.  It was a fun day and a great stress reliever.  I’m so glad we did it and we’re already planning our next run.

Sunday:

Was spent cleaning, grocery shopping, napping and playing with Baby A.  Boring, non-eventful, and quiet…thank goodness!

 

Explaining Fibro to Baby A… August 3, 2014

Filed under: chronic pain,Fibromyalgia,Uncategorized — jenfibrofighter @ 10:03 pm

Don’t you love when you’re struggling with something and then “POOF”, what you need to get through magically appears?

 

This past week I had a major fibro freak-out. After I dropped Baby A off at daycare I walking down the steps to head to work and BAM, one of the worse flares I’ve had in a long time hit me like a ton of bricks…and in this case, the ton of bricks landed straight on my knees, that then gave out on me, causing me to fall. My ego was hurt more than anything on my body from the fall, but I was a complete wreck from my flare. I honestly can’t remember the last time I had one so bad. I was shaking, my head, neck, shoulders, arms, elbows, knees, legs, feet…everything hurt. I walked into my office in tears. I am blessed that my office is a physical therapy clinic and I was able to get treatment to ward off my flare getting any worse. (Thank you to the PT who helped me through, she had her hands full with me that morning). I was utterly embarrassed from falling, crying in front of my co-workers and showing my pain.

After my embarrassment wore off a huge reality hit me.

What if I had baby A in my arms when I fell?

Would he have been hurt?

What if I can’t be a normal mommy because of fibro?

What if I can’t keep up?

What if I make him sad because I need to sleep, or he sees me in pain, or he doesn’t understand and resents me for it?

How am I going to be the mommy I want to be with fibro???

 

Then like magic, while I’m clicking through random fibro-flare google searches I ran across a book and the title immediately caught my attention.

Book

 

 

The book is “Why Does Mommy Hurt?” by Elizabeth M. Christy.

I’m going to be completely honest when I first saw the title of the book I was worried. I was worried that it would be pages of a mommy in bed with an heating pad and prescription bottle while their child sat sad in the corner.

After reading the book I feel terrible for being such a rotten pessimist.

The. Book. Is. Fantastic.

The book does a great job describing a chronic pain illness at a child’s level, but what I really love is how the book takes the idea on how to INCLUDE your child in your fibro management. With ideas like “being Mommy’s helper” when fibro fog kicks in, or learning to play quietly, little things where a child can feel like they’re helping, like they have a task and don’t feel helpless in a painful situation, which can happen to people caring for someone with a chronic illness….regardless of their age. It even describes helping mommy through fibro as “fun” and that one sentence changed my outlook on how I can handle working through fibro with Baby A. There are great lessons on comprise on activities during a flare, or spending time with Dad or Grandma when needed.

I also love that the book allows the child to feel sad and angry about fibro. I never want my son to try to put on a “strong” act and hold away any frustration he may have if I’m having a flare…I don’t ever want it to bring him down. I want him to get angry about if he needs to!

I can’t say enough about this book. My hat is tipped to you, Elizabeth…and THANK YOU.

A copy of this book is going on my son’s book shelf and I intend to read it to him often, and to be honest, I’ll probably read it a lot on my own when I need reminding that fibro doesn’t make me less capable as a mother.

To find out more about this book please visit WhyDoesMommyHurt.com.

Are you a parent with a chronic pain condition? Elizabeth has a great support group on Facebook called “Parents with Pain.”

Elizabeth was so nice to sent me her business cards and you can bet all my fibro friends will have one in their possession soon

 

At the end of the day, I want my son to be a fibro fighter…not a fibro victim.

 

Me and Aiden

 

Take A Nap!- Guest Blog July 22, 2014

Filed under: chronic pain,Fibromyalgia,Fibromyalgia and sleep problems — jenfibrofighter @ 8:20 pm

 

I am starting a series of guest blog posts from people who are close to me.  I asked my husband to blog about his perspective on my fibro and he focused on what happens when fibro fatigue sets in.  I’m sure this issue is even more of a concern since our little one has come along.  I always find it interesting to see my fibro through someone else’s eyes…

So here it is….guest blog number 1 from my one and only!…

 

Living with Fibro- well sort of

TAKE A NAP!!!

 

I know it bugs her to no end that she is tired and I will MAKE her take a nap.  I say this, because, as the past has shown if she doesn’t, being tired brings out She-Hulk.  A moody, sad sack of what should be my happy wife, is now replaced with this “monster” that nothing can calm this beast down.  And it isn’t just for a short period of time.  This will last an entire day, if it is not recognized and dealt with right away.  This “beast” cannot be controlled either.  You think everything seems to be calming down, the “beast” seems to start smiling and turning less “Green”, then…BAM; the cat hacks up a hairball, and the house starts shaking from the sounds the beast starts making again.

Believe it or not, this beast can be stopped before it completely turns.  Not by a lab full of scientists in some secret underground lab.  But an hour nap. She doesn’t have to sleep for an entire day, but an hour nap, and then some moving around to “restart” her system (not necessarily exercise; just moving around) and the monster can be avoided.

I am completely serious about this too!  Looking back, anytime we have ever had any sort of argument about anything that really was insignificant (and there have been some).  They all were after she mentioned she just didn’t sleep very well, or she was tired, and did not take a nap.

I know a lot of the time she feels guilty for taking a nap, because the baby kept me up all night.  I don’t have Fibro, I can recover.  I have had bouts with insomnia for as long as I really can remember.  Me, not getting a lot of sleep is definitely not anything new.  But her not getting enough sleep… Let’s just prevent this

 

 

She Hulk

 

“We’re going to use heat to induce pain on you”-My adventures in being a research study subject! July 17, 2014

Filed under: Uncategorized — jenfibrofighter @ 5:56 pm

Since I am constantly complaining about the lack of (known) research for fibromyalgia, you know I was super excited when I had the opportunity to actually be a subject in a research study!

The study is being conducted at Indiana State University. With the permission of Carolina Valencia, PT, PhD and Robert Vallandingham, LAT, ATC, who are conducting the study, I get to share the details of the study and my personal experience with each aspect of it…yay!

This research study focuses on “Effects of Light Brushing on Clinical Pain Intensity and Experimental Pain Sensitivity in Fibromyalgia Patients.” What a mouthful, right?

According to my consent paperwork, “The Purpose of the research study is to determine the effect of light brushing Graston technique on your pain caused by Fibromyalgia. The study will address whether this treatment option is able to decrease pain.” For those who are unfamiliar to Graston technique, you can find more about HERE, but here is a summary (Taken from GrastonTechnique.com:

 

                                              graston tools

 “The Graston Technique, originally developed by athletes, is changing the way clinicians — including physical and occupational therapists, hand therapists, chiropractors and athletic trainers — and patients view treatment of acute and chronic soft tissue injuries. Graston Technique® is an innovative, patented form of instrument-assisted soft tissue mobilization that enables clinicians to effectively break down scar tissue and fascial restrictions. The technique utilizes specially designed stainless steel instruments to specifically detect and effectively treat areas exhibiting soft tissue fibrosis or chronic inflammation.”

*On a side note, I have personally had the Graston Technique done in physical therapy and my opinion of it is as follows: Every time I get it done I wonder why the hell I asked for it. I’m not going to lie, it hurts but when it’s done I want more. In fact, I’m pretty sure the first time I got it done I wondered if the person who performed the procedure was mad at me. It’s definitely a “hurts so good” treatment. Because I’ve had Graston done, this study perked my interest even more, but I worried the potential pain of the procedure would make other subjects run for the door, but when the study states “light brushing”, that’s exactly what they meant. I’ll get to more of that later. The procedures for the study were the following:

1. I completed a series of questionnaires that included questions on how my pain affected my ability to do daily activities such as walk up stairs and work as well as questions involving how fibromyalgia affects me psychologically.

2. They tested my pain perception by on my forearms and the palm of my hand by inducing pain with a heat device that was placed on my arm (don’t worry; it’s set to automatically turn off before it would get to a “burning Point”). They started the heat until I very first felt pain, asking me to rate the pain each time, then they did pulses of heat/pain and asked me to rate the pain of each wave of heat, then they tested how high the heat could go before I asked them to stop and I would rate that pain.

3. I then had small, hair-like, filaments applied to three different spots on my back (all trigger points for fibro) and I was asked to tell them when I could or could not feel the filaments.

4. 45 second of VERY light Graston was done on those same spots (to be honest, I was disappointed it was so light…I wanted the “dig” of my previous Graston experiences.)

5. They then repeated the Filaments in the same spots, asking me when I could feel them.

6. And finally, all the heat pain perceptions tests were repeated as well as repeating some psychological questions. While the heat was uncomfortable, this study definitely didn’t leave me sore or unable to move my arms or hands. I had slight tingling through the afternoon, but nothing beyond that. Since this study is still active, I won’t know any results now, but I look forward to anything that is potentially published! I like to feel like I contributed something to the fibromyalgia community today in my own little way. It’s not as easy to be “involved” in fibro awareness as it is for other conditions. We don’t have “walks,” we rarely have fundraisers and our “month” is hardly recognized…this, in turn, makes it hard for us to have a “voice.” I feel like I raised my voice just a little bit today. If you’d like to get involved with a research study, check with your local universities, you never know what you may find!

If you are around the Indiana State University campus/area, you can also look into a future project that is currently planned to be rolled out in the fall. You may contact ISU in regards to fibromyalgia studies by contacting: Carolina Valencia, PT, PhD at rvallanding@sycamores.indstate.edu You can mention you were referred by my blog!

 

Seriously? June 4, 2014

Filed under: Uncategorized — jenfibrofighter @ 2:12 pm

This is one of those times when I put my opinion “out there” and risk the potential back lash from the fibromyalgia community.

I was killing time during a bottle feeding and ran across something very disturbing. I found an entire community of fibromyalgia patients who have joined together to offer advice on what to do when your doctor has decided to NOT prescribe, or re-prescribe, pain medication.

On this site, there are lists of doctors to contact who prescribe pain medication with little argument, advice on faking symptoms or exaggerating pain levels, going to different doctors at the same time, so on a so forth.  I hate to list too many examples here and have someone actually do them!  I also refuse to list the website because I don’t want to promote it.

Ok…

There are reasons your doctor has decided to avoid pain medication. Why are you convincing other fibro patients that their doctor’s advice shouldn’t be followed? WHY does the mention of an exercise program, or alternative treatment send people running to a different doctor? 

Not only was I mad when I found this web conversation but, more than anything, I was completely discouraged. 

Goldenrule.com says the following about narcotics….

“People should not take narcotics for more than a few months, since physical dependency is a high risk factor in taking them. Patients may feel more pain and have decreased pain tolerance if they stop taking narcotics abruptly. Stopping the medication by gradually decreasing the dosage can prevent severe withdrawal symptoms. Mental dependence on narcotics is not likely.

Common side effects of narcotics include drowsiness, leading to an inability to safely operate machinery or drive. Itching as a side effect from narcotics may indicate the need to change the dosage or the type of narcotic. Fluids, exercise and a high-fiber diet can help prevent constipation from narcotic medications. Less common but more serious side effects require medical attention. These include sweating, shortness of breath, nausea, decreased hunger and vomiting. An overdose can cause a slow heart rate, chest pains and blue lips”

Please re-read the first sentence!  No more than a few months.  Right now, fibromyalgia is a life-long condition.  We are not meant to take narcotics for the rest of our lives. 

Now re-read the side effects…

How do these out-weigh finding an alternative to treating fibro, such as exercise, or physical therapy?

YES!  I take an over-the-counter pain med periodically.  I’m not saying I’m better than any other fibro patient because I choose alternative treatment, and I’m not saying my fibro isn’t as bad as anyone else’s.  I, too ,have the days where it hurts to walk, hurts to sleep…just plain hurts!

 I feel I have been lucky to be guided from the beginning of my diagnosis to turn to alternative treatments and I intend to continue following that advice.

When I talk to other fibro patients and they are so zoned out they can’t focus, or they are wobbling when they walk because they are taking something too strong my heart breaks a little.  I know some don’t realize it’s happening to them, and I know that some are genuinely taking them at the advice of their doctors. 

I get it….

However…

I feel discouraged because I feel like this is one of the major reasons we haven’t had advancements in research, or advancements in understanding the condition when fibro patients are completely rejecting any new treatments and relying on pain medication alone, regardless of the side effects or lack of improvement in their symptoms. 

I feel like we, as humans, look for the quickest fix and I completely understand why!  I have trouble finding time in my schedule to exercise and take care of my fibro (especially with a little one), but I know it’s not an option for me not to! 

I could harp on this for pages and pages but I’m going to leave it at this…

If you are involved in these online conversations consider this…What if a doctor was genuinely researching Fibromyalgia and wanted to get a feel for how patients discuss the condition with each other online.  What if the doctor found this website?  Would he/she feel their efforts for research would be wasted?  Also, there are a lot of doctors who treat patients looking for pain medication like “criminals,” so-to-speak.  Don’t you think this could be part of the reason why?

Please consider the consequences of these public conversations, you never know how it may impact the potential for a possible cure!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You Big Baby! April 29, 2014

Filed under: Uncategorized — jenfibrofighter @ 8:23 pm

The other night as I was giving my son a bottle I couldn’t help but notice how completely at peace he looked.  Eyes closed, toes stretched out and stopping every once in a while to smile at me…not a care in the word. 

I started to think about how adults (ESPECIALLY those with fibro) should follow the example of babies.  It’s those basic instincts, the innocent behavior that we push aside to “grow up.”

These are the things I hope my son can teach  me…my top five…

One…

Slowing down to enjoy what I’m eating!  This is a terrible habit for a lot of people.  Eating too fast can not only give you an upset stomach, but can hinder weight loss.  I’m one of those, eat at my desk while at work, eat in front of the TV in a mad rush at the end of the night, umm…writing this blog as I eat my lunch…using eating as an opportunity to multi task instead of actually enjoy what I’m eating!  I’m not sure what my husband is going to think when I decide next time I eat that I plan to close my eyes, stretch out my toes and smile at him every once in a while…but I want to feel as peaceful as baby A looks when he eats!

Two…

Exercising is fun!  Yes…you know I already know this, but there are times when I try a new work out and hate it, lose my motivation and feel like I’m starting from scratch all over again.  When baby A exercises, it’s not “exercise” it is play.  His favorite workout?  Laying on the ground and kicking his legs out over and over.  He’s working his muscles…not to look good in a bathing suit (which will bring me to my next topic shortly) but because it’s fun.  Plain and simple. And that’s what exercise should be!  Fun!  Sometimes I need to remind myself that not only does exercise manage my pain, but it’s also fun.  If you don’t think it is fun, you’re not doing the right exercise…I have to remind myself of that sometimes, maybe I’ll even give baby A’s exercise a try!  Again…I can’t wait to see my husband’s face.  I figure I better warn him a head of time so he doesn’t see me kicking on the floor and he calls an ambulance before I have a chance to stop him. 

Three…

Letting it all hang out!  Baby A loves stripping down!  Out of the diaper, big smile on his face.  No care in the world for his fat rolls, pale skin and dimples.  Ok…calm down…I’m not saying that I’m going to attempt to walk around naked and I’m fully aware my fat rolls aren’t nearly as cute has his, but the lesson I take from this is that I should learn to be comfortable in my own skin.  I’m currently going through a “lose the baby weight” phase and I feel uncomfortable.  When I was obese, I felt judged.  I felt isolated and I felt ugly.  Now being a little overweight post-baby, it’s hard to not go back into that mindset.  I need to remember to be comfortable in the skin I have now, be patient and know I’m working on it.  I can’t let the fact that I didn’t lose 10 pounds in a week affect who I am as a person.  I’m imperfect and that’s ok.  I’m also a person who has a chronic pain condition, and that’s ok too…it’s not an imperfection…it’s a challenging trait. 

Four…

Relying on others.  Yes.  Babies don’t really have a choice, but at the same time, they’re not afraid to ask…or cry… for something they need.  I think people, especially fibro sufferers, think they can no longer ask for help.  We either give up on something altogether, or try to play superhero and do it all.  I think people are more receptive to the condition when you ask for help with what you can’t do instead of complaining about how much it hurts, or how hard it is to do something.  People don’t know how to help fibro, and they’re never going to know if we don’t tell them where and when we need help to manage.  Now I don’t recommend crying like a baby (although I’m sure my husband would argue I’ve taken this approach) when we need help, but you get what I’m trying to say.

Five…

Baby A doesn’t care what people think about him!  Farting, goofy giggle, boogers, bed head, ugly cries, burping like a full grown man…you don’t like it?  Tough.  I’m not sure why, as we start to grow, we begin to worry so much about what people think of us.  I’m 100% guilty of worrying about this too much.  I’ve always admired the people who act as though they honestly don’t care what people think of them…but the pessimist in me wonders if they’re telling the truth.  This is one of the biggest lessons I hope to take away from baby A…in a toned down way of course…I could fart, have boogers, bed head, ugly cries and man burps and not care what people think of me, but I figure it may be more appropriate to not care…with some manners.   

 

 

“The most sophisticated people I know – inside they are all children. ” 
― 
Jim Henson

 

 

 

 

Fibro + Baby = April 23, 2014

Filed under: Uncategorized — jenfibrofighter @ 12:40 am

A lot of trial and error…

 

I’m going to be very honest. About 1 month before baby A was conceived my husband and I had a very serious conversation about having kids and we decided that it would probably be best to move on from the idea of being parents.

We discussed the fact that it would be too hard to go through another miscarriage. We talked about how we should travel and take more vacations.  We talked about how hard we worked to get in shape.

But mostly…we talked about my fibro.

We had the discussion late at night during another insomnia phase. I was flaring, tired and overwhelmed by what fibro was doing to me at that time.  We talked about how much pregnancy could possibly hurt, with body parts stretching and moving.  We talked about how much labor could hurt, or how hard labor recovery could be.  I couldn’t see how I could get up in the middle of the night to take care of a baby.  I didn’t know how I could come home from a long day at work and still have energy left to give to a child.  What about memory loss?  Would I forget his first word?  First steps?  First…everything?

There were too many “I don’t knows” and we decided to try to adjust our lives for a different plan.

God, on the other hand, had a different plan.

BOOM…just like that pregnant. We had just come to terms with the idea of our new life plans and our heads were spinning.

Suddenly we were in a whirl wind of morning sickness, doctor’s appointments, maternity clothes, nursery painting, and all the other things that went along with preparing for the baby. And, as I’ve mentioned before, my fibro dissipated during this time.  So my first question was answered:

How much would pregnancy hurt my body? It didn’t.

Fibro was also not a factor in my labor. Yeah…the contractions hurt.  Bad.  Like “Holy Hell I’m gonna rip in two” bad.  But you know what?  No fibro.  Of course, there was this wonderful thing called an epidural involved so I’m sure that helped just a little…or a lot…or maybe I could have kissed the anesthesiologist…

But I digress…

A good friend of mine recently went through a hard labor and I realize as I look back at mine that I was very lucky. I think the fibro gods were looking out for me that day.  Recovery wasn’t pain free but I’m sure no woman’s is.

So…to answer the second question…How bad could labor be? It wasn’t as bad as I had expected, but again, I know I was lucky.  It hurt, but no fibro!

This is where fibro began to be an issue once again. After pregnancy, after labor and after recovery is when I got my pain again and it became a trial and error process for me and my husband.

I tried to pretend I was superwoman.

I got up when he cried. I didn’t nap.  I had to keep the house immaculate.  I didn’t let the laundry get behind…stupid…stupid…stupid.

It has taken us almost the full two months baby A has been with us so far to adjust and I can say honestly I have to have the support of my husband to survive. If there are any fibro mommy’s out there who are single, or just lack support, YOU deserve the superwoman prize.  I don’t know how you do it!

My husband and I make sure that I get enough sleep. This is SO important for pain and fog it’s not something we could negotiate with.  I do the late night and early morning shift and he does the middle.  It has been a lifesaver to help me recover and have enough energy to give baby A.

We have a routine to rotate the nights we exercise. You all know I will ALWAYS be moving because I know that is the only way to truly maintain my pain.  I don’t just get my exercise nights.  I get exercise nights outside of the house.  It’s an hour for me to step away, get my head on straight, work through some pain and come home refreshed and ready for my son.  The first few weeks when I could not work out were not easy for me.  Not just for pain, but also for my sanity.

We take turns with everything…feeding him, eating dinner, taking showers, getting him ready for bed, taking care of the dogs, etc., etc.,etc.

So to answer how I would handle having enough energy to give to my child? Support and taking care of myself.

 

 

As far as the memory loss, well…I still don’t have the answer to this question. I take a lot of pictures and video and try my best to soak him in.  This is a sad topic for me and I’m just going to move on…

 

I genuinely thought fibro had taken away my ability to be a mother. Apparently God wanted to prove me wrong.  I know it’s going to be a challenge, and the trial and error will continue until he’s grown up and on his own (or possibly longer).  

I think the thing that has gotten me though with my fibro so far is baby A! I love him so much it hurts.  I miss him when he’s in the other room.  I kiss him so much he probably thinks I’m crazy.  His smile helps take the pain away….and gives me something to look forward to everyday.

He has given me a whole new reason to fight fibro head on. I never want to miss out on anything in his life because I am in too much pain!

You thought I fought hard before?

 

Just wait…

 

 

 
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