A lot of trial and error…
I’m going to be very honest. About 1 month before baby A was conceived my husband and I had a very serious conversation about having kids and we decided that it would probably be best to move on from the idea of being parents.
We discussed the fact that it would be too hard to go through another miscarriage. We talked about how we should travel and take more vacations. We talked about how hard we worked to get in shape.
But mostly…we talked about my fibro.
We had the discussion late at night during another insomnia phase. I was flaring, tired and overwhelmed by what fibro was doing to me at that time. We talked about how much pregnancy could possibly hurt, with body parts stretching and moving. We talked about how much labor could hurt, or how hard labor recovery could be. I couldn’t see how I could get up in the middle of the night to take care of a baby. I didn’t know how I could come home from a long day at work and still have energy left to give to a child. What about memory loss? Would I forget his first word? First steps? First…everything?
There were too many “I don’t knows” and we decided to try to adjust our lives for a different plan.
God, on the other hand, had a different plan.
BOOM…just like that pregnant. We had just come to terms with the idea of our new life plans and our heads were spinning.
Suddenly we were in a whirl wind of morning sickness, doctor’s appointments, maternity clothes, nursery painting, and all the other things that went along with preparing for the baby. And, as I’ve mentioned before, my fibro dissipated during this time. So my first question was answered:
How much would pregnancy hurt my body? It didn’t.
Fibro was also not a factor in my labor. Yeah…the contractions hurt. Bad. Like “Holy Hell I’m gonna rip in two” bad. But you know what? No fibro. Of course, there was this wonderful thing called an epidural involved so I’m sure that helped just a little…or a lot…or maybe I could have kissed the anesthesiologist…
But I digress…
A good friend of mine recently went through a hard labor and I realize as I look back at mine that I was very lucky. I think the fibro gods were looking out for me that day. Recovery wasn’t pain free but I’m sure no woman’s is.
So…to answer the second question…How bad could labor be? It wasn’t as bad as I had expected, but again, I know I was lucky. It hurt, but no fibro!
This is where fibro began to be an issue once again. After pregnancy, after labor and after recovery is when I got my pain again and it became a trial and error process for me and my husband.
I tried to pretend I was superwoman.
I got up when he cried. I didn’t nap. I had to keep the house immaculate. I didn’t let the laundry get behind…stupid…stupid…stupid.
It has taken us almost the full two months baby A has been with us so far to adjust and I can say honestly I have to have the support of my husband to survive. If there are any fibro mommy’s out there who are single, or just lack support, YOU deserve the superwoman prize. I don’t know how you do it!
My husband and I make sure that I get enough sleep. This is SO important for pain and fog it’s not something we could negotiate with. I do the late night and early morning shift and he does the middle. It has been a lifesaver to help me recover and have enough energy to give baby A.
We have a routine to rotate the nights we exercise. You all know I will ALWAYS be moving because I know that is the only way to truly maintain my pain. I don’t just get my exercise nights. I get exercise nights outside of the house. It’s an hour for me to step away, get my head on straight, work through some pain and come home refreshed and ready for my son. The first few weeks when I could not work out were not easy for me. Not just for pain, but also for my sanity.
We take turns with everything…feeding him, eating dinner, taking showers, getting him ready for bed, taking care of the dogs, etc., etc.,etc.
So to answer how I would handle having enough energy to give to my child? Support and taking care of myself.
As far as the memory loss, well…I still don’t have the answer to this question. I take a lot of pictures and video and try my best to soak him in. This is a sad topic for me and I’m just going to move on…
I genuinely thought fibro had taken away my ability to be a mother. Apparently God wanted to prove me wrong. I know it’s going to be a challenge, and the trial and error will continue until he’s grown up and on his own (or possibly longer).
I think the thing that has gotten me though with my fibro so far is baby A! I love him so much it hurts. I miss him when he’s in the other room. I kiss him so much he probably thinks I’m crazy. His smile helps take the pain away….and gives me something to look forward to everyday.
He has given me a whole new reason to fight fibro head on. I never want to miss out on anything in his life because I am in too much pain!
You thought I fought hard before?