Rain, Rain Go Away…

Yesterday our weather went from pouring down snow, to rain, to 50 degrees all in the matter of about five hours. My fibro completely rejected the change in weather and gave me one of the worst flares I’ve had in awhile.

As the weather rolled in Tuesday I started to feel more and more pain. As the night went on, my mood switched as well. I’m not sure if this is common during flares or if it’s just a trait of my fibromyalgia. Anyone out there with fibro have major mood switches during a flare?

Tuesday night was the night my mood switched. Everything (in my mind anyway) was wrong. I was exhausted, in pain (from jaw to ankles), wanted to give up on my weight loss and get fat, wanted to give up on physical therapy, Pilates and zumba, I was convinced I was going to get fired, Blah, Blah, Blah…All those stupid thoughts that go through your head when you’re not thinking straight. My poor husband helped me get to sleep by staying up with me and letting me vent for a little while, but sleep didn’t come until really late.  Lack of sleep surely wasn’t going to help anything.

Yesterday at work when the snow started I shut my office door, and cried through the storm. I think I felt every snow flake that fell. Then it rained and I think I felt every drop. A few hours later the sun came out and I was completely exhausted. I had to really talk myself out of canceling Pilates, even as much as I wanted to. I knew if I went home and sat I would feel so much worse!

Pilates helped soooo much, not only for my pain, but it cleared my head a little too. I think my instructor/Physical Therapist could see how much pain I was in and was also able to squeeze me in for a Physical Therapy treatment. She said my face was swollen, and even their front desk worker asked what was wrong with my eyes. My flare was written all over my face. I owe my P.T. a million hugs for squeezing me in to help with the flare. I feel almost human again today!

 I started thinking about some parts of my past because of this flare. It makes me wonder how much research is being done about the connection of depression and fibromyalgia. I’ve tried to look a little online and so far all I can really find is they have proven there is a correlation between people having a history of depression all their lives and having fibromyalgia. Ok, that’s good to know, but I want to know WHY they have that correlation.

I went through major depression, especially in college. It got as bad as depression gets. I went to counselors and talked, but I never really felt like it helped. I could never really pin point why I felt like I felt, I just knew that sometimes I felt really bad.

When I look back on it though, the way I feel during my flares is not much different than the way I felt then. So, was I really “depressed” or was I having fibro flares without knowing it?

If I had known then that it could be fibro, I think I could have dealt with the rough times a lot better than I did. It would have been easier to have a possible answer why I felt so bad (but only sometimes).

So, when they find the correlation of depression do they automatically write off the “history” of depression to adolescence or something that happened in childhood…or is there a pattern to it?

I can remember my two worst moments of depression both happened in the rain. I just wonder…

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Pam P
    Mar 31, 2011 @ 22:07:40

    You are not alone. I have gone through many flares and the mood is hurt as much as the body. I had a very similar incident in the middle of December when a snow storm flew through our area.

    Reply

  2. martha.kuder@amgeneral.com
    Apr 01, 2011 @ 12:37:08

    Since your diagnosis, I am convenced that the Fibro was there even when you were much younger than when you had your “bouts of depression” in college. I wish that we had kept a journal of the highs and lows and the things that influenced them, such as weather, stress, etc.
    I thank God that He brought into your life the people that have helped make your painful life bearable, especially your wonderful husband who has been so understanding and supportive!
    I love love and want this all to go away. But, if it can’t, I am relieved that you don’t allow Fibro to get the victory in this war against pain!-Mom

    Reply

  3. Brittnee
    Apr 01, 2011 @ 13:47:07

    You make some very valid points. I actually read an article that said that the brain treats being broken up and getting burned the same. Yes they both feel a little differnt, but the brain reacts the same way to both. I love neuro stuff… maybe I should go into that and become a Neurologist and try to figure out why this happens so I can try to help cure fibro… Ideas, ideas. always remember Jen, you have an amazing support group behind you! They (including me) love you very much, and find what you are doing very inspiration. We are all here for you no matter what is going on in your life!

    Reply

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