Weight Loss Woes…

I would like to start off by saying that I would NEVER discourage anyone from losing weight.  It’s the new year and I know there are many resolutions out there to lose weight and get healthy.  I support those resolutions 100 percent.

But…

I feel like I am in a weight loss nightmare right now. 

I know weight loss is hard.  I’ve been there.  I know some of the things I am about to complain about might not make sense to those who are having their own struggles with weight loss…but  try to hear me out.

Yes my life has changed for the better since losing weight.

 Yes I’m doing things I never thought I’d do.

Yes my physical health is better…

but my mental health is being tested.

I would like say that my weight, BMI, and fat are all normal for my height.  I’m a size 6, not a size zero, and trust me…this girl can eat and nothing is going to change that. 

I’ve been struggling a lot lately with what people have been saying to me.

I spent the majority of my day today having to answer questions and hear comments about my weight…

“You aren’t still trying to lose are you?” – NO, I’m done!

“You’re cold because you’re too skinny.” –actually I have this thing called Fibro and it’s making me more sensitive to the cold, but you wouldn’t understand.

“Did you have to buy new pants again?” – No

“Skinny Bitch.” – Um yeah…I heard that.

“You don’t need to work out anymore!” – I guess that’s true, If I want my fibro to go into a major flare.

“Do you ever eat.” – YES

“Are you eating enough” – YES

“Do you want a cookie? I’m asking but I know you won’t eat one.” – Actually I just ate one.

“Don’t show Jennifer what we’re eating, she doesn’t eat anything bad.” – Ummm…anybody see the hamburger I just ate?

“Are you sick or something?”

For some reason, it went on and on and on today and has been replaying over and over in my head.

I’ve been told these things are said to me out of jealousy.  I’ve been told to do what makes me happy and brush off these comments. I’ve been told people say these things because they’re not strong enough to do what I’ve done. 

Maybe, but lately these questions and comments are really starting to eat at me (no pun intended).

I wish people could see what the weight loss has been like since the beginning of my journey. 

I wish they could see how confusing it has been for them to start of being so supportive…at first. Then after I reached my goal, they suddenly say I’m too skinny.

I wish they could know all the reasons why I chose to lose weight, and that they go way beyond wanting to look good in a pair of jeans.  Like trying to ease the pain from a chronic condition they may not even know I have, or avoiding diabetes and constant knee pain.

I wish people would get to know the real me and not assume I’m judging them.  Like I’ve said, I’ve been there.  Why does it seem like people forget that?

I wish people knew that some people used to call me an inspiration, now they just call me a lot of things that are not so nice, and I DO hear it.

I wish people were as supportive of my loss as they are to someone who lost their weight through bariatric surgery.

I wish they knew that when they call me “too skinny” when I’m not that I have to struggle to maintain in my own head what size is realistic for me.  I had to sit with my husband tonight and honestly ask him if I was, in fact, too skinny because I’m hearing it so often and I’m starting to lose perspective of what is “normal.”  This is a terrible thing that is happening in my head right now. 

I wish people knew that when I take off my clothes at the end of the night I don’t have a nice sculpted stomach that I plan to flaunt in a bikini this summer.  My stomach is ridden with sagging skin.  A constant reminder of the heavy me. 

I wish they knew I was complaining about these things because I’m hurting from them and not because I’m rubbing my weight loss into anyone’s faces.

I wish they knew I don’t work out to “lose weight” but to be healthy, happy and strong. 

Weight loss support goes way beyond reaching that “goal weight.”  I want to say a big thank you to my friends and family who understand and have been in full support with me through all of this.  I spent tonight in tears and feeling down I am vowing now that this is the last time!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. martha84
    Jan 14, 2012 @ 06:52:36

    This is a beautiful post! It is really troublesome how people really do their best to encourage you to lose weight when you’re heavier, but when you start losing it… And they don’t… Suddenly you’re a fun sucker. I get it, I live it!

    Reply

  2. Jenn
    Jan 16, 2012 @ 19:52:01

    Dear Jennifer,
    I’m fiercely behind on your blog but try to stay up to date when I can. And let me tell you, I love this post, but I also found myself sort of fuming when I read it. The thing is – I COMPLETELY GET IT. Not just the weight loss part – because I’m still struggling to get back to my “fighting shape.” But just the balancing of all of it AND fibro and the constant “explaining” that people seem to expect. Or, shall I say, USED to expect. This might sound harsh, but I’m saying it anyway, because I really do fell your pain, and my heart skipped a beat when I read that you were in tears the night you posted. While I am sure that you have secured in your mind the friends/acquaintances that you plan to keep in your life/surroundings, it sounds to me like it’s time to “clean house”, and “re-define.” And by that, I mean, “clean house” of the people around you that it might be time to distance from; to “re-define” who from this point forward will be part of your ongoing journey to remain healthy, strong, active, happy and with your fibro under control. Many years ago I came to a similar, and yes, painful point in my life and having the courage to move past the chatter, the negative/ill-intentioned comments, insinuations, passive-agreessive judgements by adjusting who I chose not only to surround myself with but open up my heart, (or even my verbal comments) for that matter —- was the best thing I could have done. I realized that if I know darn well that my fibro is triggered by cold weather, lack of activity, some things beyond my control AND my emotional state….well…then, the one thing I could control best was my emotional state and anything that can adversely affect it, no matter HOW strong I am. I decided to “release” certain friendships/acquaintances from my life, remove myself from certain toxic situations, refrain from “venting” or sharing my thoughts, comments and journey with certain people (even those I don’t know very well at work), and began to *proudly* be completely selective about the types of people and environments I was going to choose to be around and how to expend my energy. Top on the priority list was to stop “explaining” to people with negative intentions, to surround myself with like-minded people and to graciously and respectfull (*most times!*) dis-engage from any conversation that started leading to that frustrating pitter-patter in my heart that later would lead to gnawing thoughts in my mind.

    The result? A happiness more profound than I knew before in my relationships with others; a true, unapologetic pride for what I have accomplished so far as well as what it takes for me to make it through every day, especially those with flare-ups; an ability to quickly identify tthe comments/questions that are not worth my time, effort & energy and barely deserve a quick dissmissive comment, a deeper appreciation for those around me whose love, support, admiration andn ttrue friendship fill me ’til my heart’s cup runeth over and ultimately, a sense of balance and tranquility that comes from knowing that I have handled the challenges that God has chosen for my life with strength, dignity, resolve, dedication, resilience, hard work, determination, and notwithstanding some tough moments…all while appreciating and remembering where I was, never thinking I’ve “made it” and always continuing to humbly and unapologetically grow and evolve —- for me —- and no one else. The “space” around me is limited & those in it are carefully selected…..and I’m all the better for it.

    Stand tall my friend and “clean house.”- you’ve done good.

    Reply

  3. jenfibrofighter
    Jan 16, 2012 @ 20:09:11

    My Goodness you just poured your heart out. I know what you mean about understanding but being ticked at the same time. We’re thinking alike (surprise, surprise) and I spent a lot of my weekend actually thinking about doing some “cleaning” so to speak. It’s time. It’s like a blog I previously wrote about mourning my old self due to my fibro and saying “goodbye” to parts of the old me. I think it’s time to do that again in regards to my weight loss AND my fibro at the same time. I know what you’re saying and yes, I think it’s time.

    Reply

  4. Yvette hernandez
    Jan 19, 2012 @ 15:15:32

    Dearest Jen,
    I totally agree to what the other Jenn said that was really nice….stay positive and surround yourself with people that really care for you and support you. You are going through another weight loss challenge in a totally different angle and I know it is confusing….but please remember what you have accomplished and how you have been a great inspiration to a lot of people and still is….your journey is a lot challenging than a person that does not have chronic pain issues..and that is something to be really proud of. There are a lot of people that need you and is looking up to you and respect that you accomplished something great. My advice is focus on sharing your own journey to them and block those negative comments….it is not gonna be easy but I know that you will keep your chin up to continue this journey.
    I want you to know that you are one of the strongest women that I have ever met and I really admire you for that. I saw and felt your struggles over the years but you kept going and turned most of it into a positive thing like this blog!!! which is AWESOME! sharing your struggles and your positive experiences. I have seen many through my 18 years of experience that just chose the path of least resistance and gave up. You are different and I know God has special plans for you cuz you are special:)

    Reply

  5. martha.kuder@amgeneral.com
    Jan 20, 2012 @ 17:34:23

    “You are different and I know God has special plans for you cuz you are special”
    I couldn’t agree more! I believe He is already using your journey to make others believe it is also possable for them…no excuses!

    Reply

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