Weight Loss Woes…

I would like to start off by saying that I would NEVER discourage anyone from losing weight.  It’s the new year and I know there are many resolutions out there to lose weight and get healthy.  I support those resolutions 100 percent.

But…

I feel like I am in a weight loss nightmare right now. 

I know weight loss is hard.  I’ve been there.  I know some of the things I am about to complain about might not make sense to those who are having their own struggles with weight loss…but  try to hear me out.

Yes my life has changed for the better since losing weight.

 Yes I’m doing things I never thought I’d do.

Yes my physical health is better…

but my mental health is being tested.

I would like say that my weight, BMI, and fat are all normal for my height.  I’m a size 6, not a size zero, and trust me…this girl can eat and nothing is going to change that. 

I’ve been struggling a lot lately with what people have been saying to me.

I spent the majority of my day today having to answer questions and hear comments about my weight…

“You aren’t still trying to lose are you?” – NO, I’m done!

“You’re cold because you’re too skinny.” –actually I have this thing called Fibro and it’s making me more sensitive to the cold, but you wouldn’t understand.

“Did you have to buy new pants again?” – No

“Skinny Bitch.” – Um yeah…I heard that.

“You don’t need to work out anymore!” – I guess that’s true, If I want my fibro to go into a major flare.

“Do you ever eat.” – YES

“Are you eating enough” – YES

“Do you want a cookie? I’m asking but I know you won’t eat one.” – Actually I just ate one.

“Don’t show Jennifer what we’re eating, she doesn’t eat anything bad.” – Ummm…anybody see the hamburger I just ate?

“Are you sick or something?”

For some reason, it went on and on and on today and has been replaying over and over in my head.

I’ve been told these things are said to me out of jealousy.  I’ve been told to do what makes me happy and brush off these comments. I’ve been told people say these things because they’re not strong enough to do what I’ve done. 

Maybe, but lately these questions and comments are really starting to eat at me (no pun intended).

I wish people could see what the weight loss has been like since the beginning of my journey. 

I wish they could see how confusing it has been for them to start of being so supportive…at first. Then after I reached my goal, they suddenly say I’m too skinny.

I wish they could know all the reasons why I chose to lose weight, and that they go way beyond wanting to look good in a pair of jeans.  Like trying to ease the pain from a chronic condition they may not even know I have, or avoiding diabetes and constant knee pain.

I wish people would get to know the real me and not assume I’m judging them.  Like I’ve said, I’ve been there.  Why does it seem like people forget that?

I wish people knew that some people used to call me an inspiration, now they just call me a lot of things that are not so nice, and I DO hear it.

I wish people were as supportive of my loss as they are to someone who lost their weight through bariatric surgery.

I wish they knew that when they call me “too skinny” when I’m not that I have to struggle to maintain in my own head what size is realistic for me.  I had to sit with my husband tonight and honestly ask him if I was, in fact, too skinny because I’m hearing it so often and I’m starting to lose perspective of what is “normal.”  This is a terrible thing that is happening in my head right now. 

I wish people knew that when I take off my clothes at the end of the night I don’t have a nice sculpted stomach that I plan to flaunt in a bikini this summer.  My stomach is ridden with sagging skin.  A constant reminder of the heavy me. 

I wish they knew I was complaining about these things because I’m hurting from them and not because I’m rubbing my weight loss into anyone’s faces.

I wish they knew I don’t work out to “lose weight” but to be healthy, happy and strong. 

Weight loss support goes way beyond reaching that “goal weight.”  I want to say a big thank you to my friends and family who understand and have been in full support with me through all of this.  I spent tonight in tears and feeling down I am vowing now that this is the last time!