It won’t be like the past, It won’t be like the past…

Friday morning, my wake-up call was answering text messages from work.  Normally I should be annoyed by this on my day off, but it was a nice distraction this particular morning.  I had to get in the shower and be on my way to my first counseling appointment at 10 and I was procrastinating.

I find it ironic that I felt anxious about going, since my purpose for going is to help find help for my anxiety. 

*It won’t be like the past, it won’t be like the past.  I hated those doctors.  This one will be good…right??*

I was relieved when I walked into the office for many reasons.  First, it was quiet and there were very few people in the waiting room.  *Good…Maybe this means I won’t have to wait and wait for my appointment.*   Second, I filled out the usual paperwork and was relieved to see a certain question on it.

“Are there any special instructions you would like the Doctor to know before your appointment today?”

*Why yes, actually…Please please please understand I can’t take anti-depressants…please?*

I had a few minutes of waiting and found it humorous that the other person in the waiting room was reading a magazine article titled “Are you Normal or Nuts?”    *hehe*

It was my turn to go in.  The doctor came to greet me and we made the walk back to his office.  We passed a room set up for children’s counseling.  In the corner of the room were what looked like kitty litter boxes.  My first thought…They have cats???  Maybe it’s for therapy?? Pet therapy??  That would be nice for the kids.  What about the smell, don’t they worry??

*Duh Jennifer, those are sand boxes for the kids to play in while they’re talking….sheesh…cats**

We made it to the office and much to my surprise, I let my guard down and word vomit spewed out quicker than I think the Doctor could keep up with, all while obsessively staring at a poster on his book shelf that said “No Whining”, which I found funny and kind of insulting all at the same time.

Reasons why I have good feelings about this guy…

He seemed fully supportive to not use anti depressants and anti anxiety medication. 

He didn’t want to dwell with what happened in my past due taking those medications.  What happened, happened.  It’s over, and I don’t want to talk about it in counseling anymore.

One of his first recommendations was meditation and breathing exercises, exactly what I’m looking for. *On a side question…Is it completely racist of me that I was a little surprised to hear that from and older white man? *

He said if I can lose 120 pounds, I can beat this.

Most importantly, he acknowledged the connection of my anxiety with my pain and with fibromyalgia…*whew*

So I have homework….diving into meditation and some books he recommended.  This isn’t easy. 

While I do my part, he plans to do his.  Work on trying to make me less of a perfectionist (When I told both my husband and Mom this, they laughed…out loud), not be as hard on myself, and working through anxiety.  He also seemed responsive to working through my insecurities I’ve developed since my fibro has developed.  Fibro fog, forgetting words, not being able to spit out coherent sentences, blah blah blah.  It, by no means, helps the anxiety.

I’m ready to dive into this and I hope I can sit down tomorrow and get into some of his reading recommendations …and not over-think it…hmmm….we’ll see how this goes!!


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Martha
    Jun 17, 2012 @ 02:13:06

    “word vomit” very descriptive! I think you are on to something good !


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